What you say to toddlers

The things you say as parents of toddlers

Since becoming a momma to two boys I’ve quickly learnt that they are a totally different species to girls. I am constantly asking my husband if their behaviour is normal for boys. Is it normal they slam dunk each other at every opportunity? Is it normal they turn everything into a weapon to either chop or shoot eachother with? Is it normal to eat your bogeys? Is it normal to not be able to sit still for more than thirty seconds? Is it normal to spend 15 minutes carefully building a Duplo creation just to knock it down with Buzz Lightyear in one foul swoop? I am assured, without a doubt, that, yes, they are very normal.


I often find myself saying the most obscure things to them, and telling them off for doing things that I never even dreamt were doable. The things you say as parents are crazy! If these sentences were used on their own you’d think I was rearing some sort of Mowgli. I thought I’d compile a few examples for your entrainment. Here goes:

“D2! Do not lick the fence panels you’ll get splinters in your tongue!”

“D2 stop shouting ‘roll up roll up it’s face paint time’. The sand in your hand is not facepaint. Do not throw it at D1’s face!”

“Don’t lick the cat!”

“Get your face out of the cat bowl!”

“Do not feed your brother your bogeys!”

“Do not eat your brothers bogeys!”

“Do not spit into your brothers mouth!”

“Don’t eat the cat fluff!”

“Get Mcqueen out of my cup!”

“Stop eating chalk!”

“Stop sucking bricks!”

“Don’t push the post back through the letterbox!”

“Get off my windowsill!”

“Don’t eat things out the bin!”

“Get out the bin!”

“Please do not wee over your brother in the bath! ”

“No, i do not want to smell your fingers!”

“Don’t throw Cheerios at the tv!”

“Don’t post Batman in Daddys sub speaker!”

“Don’t lick the tv!”

“Don’t pull your tinky so hard!”

“Please don’t paint each other!”

“Please don’t sit on your brothers head!”

“Don’t throw the bread at the ducks face!”

“Don’t ride your bike in the pool!”

“Please get your hands out of your nappy!”

“No you’re not having cake. It’s 4.45am!”

“Nooooo. It’s salt, NOT sprinkles!”

“Please don’t lick my toe!”

“Do not throw rocks at your brothers head!”

“Please get your naked butt off my pillow!”

“Don’t put peas up your nose!”

“Do not pour your milk out and jump in it!”

“Please don’t lick your brothers wellies!”

“Do not stick your toe up the hot water tap!”

“Please don’t poke things down the back of the radiator!”

“Please don’t stroke your goldfish so hard!”

“Please don’t eat the butter like it’s yoghurt!”

“Please get your hand out of the toilet. Your brother is trying to wee!”

In fact my list of funny things I find myself saying could go on! How about you? What funny things do you find yourself saying? Follow me on Facebook and Twitter and let me know!

10 replies
  1. Hayley
    Hayley says:

    Please don’t eat stones!
    Get off the dog, he is not a horse!
    Stop stretching your winky it will fall off!
    Please dont eat your crayons!
    Don’t slap yourself in the face!
    Don’t pick your sister up by her feet!
    Stop putting your building blocks in the dog bowl!
    Please stop pulling the wires out the TV!
    Stop climbing up your wardrobes!

    Just to name a few.. :/

  2. Claire
    Claire says:

    I have a little girl and can relate:

    Don’t put your finger up the dogs bum

    Take your toothbrush out the dogs mouth

    Get your hands out your nappy

    No the gel block in the toilet isn’t a jelly sweet

    No you can’t have an ice lolly for breakfast just because it’s made of fruit – that was my 3 year old being smart

    Why have you put your head band and necklace on the dog it will strangle him.

    No the dog can’t share your food

    Please don’t throw the ball until you have told me you want to play catch

    The list goes on…. Lol x

  3. Mumtoamonster
    Mumtoamonster says:

    I could of wrote this myself ha . Toddler boys are funny. Butter and the windowsill one especially

    Some of the most memorable ones .

    Stop licking the freezer door
    Stop eating frozen food
    Stop licking the degu cage
    Please don’t throw carrots at the window.
    Take your shoe out of your mouth
    Stop eating the stair gate


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