Rubbish Advice For Parents

When you become a parent you, unwillingly, attract the opinion of everybody you meet. Some people mean well, and others most definitely do not. You get advice during pregnancy, during the newborn weeks, during the terrible two’s, potty training advice, sleep advice, diet advice, school advice, advice about absolutely everything, and it drives you absolutely out of your mind!

Here is some of that advice I received during the first two years and what I thought about it…

“Get all the sleep you can before they arrive!”

Sleep?!? What is sleep? You lie down you have heart burn. You stand up you need a wee. You lie down and baby wakes up, with hiccups. You can’t lie on your side because it makes your hips hurt, you can’t lie on your back because you’ve heard it’s bad for the baby, you obviously can’t lie on your front because it is physically impossible 8 months pregnant. A pillow in between your legs is good, for 5 minutes, and then it’s back to aggravation about not being tired anymore, yet you’re exhausted. You take another swig of indigestion liquid and try again. Repeat all night long, every night. You try and nap in the day but the postman always knocks the door, or somebody visits, or you need to do the housework, or the thought of the ironing pile is making you have palpitations, and before you know it the day has gone and you didn’t catch up on any of this sleep you’re supposed to take advantage of when your baby is still in your belly.

Don’t let them them sleep in your bed, you’ll make a rod for your own back!”

What is this rod? Would it make a good pole to hang off and get some sleep because if it would then chances are a rod on my own back is just what I need. We all have different children, my first needed to sleep with momma, and my second needed his own space, and I obliged to both! Why you may ask? Because what it all boiled down to was I NEEDED SLEEP, and I didnt care how it came, I just needed it. So, unless you’re in my house babysitting at midnight and 1am and 2amm and 3am and 4am mind your own business about that rod on my back!

“Breastfeeding is better for your baby”

Breast is great, bottle is great, both ere food for my baby, and I’ll decide which is better for us both. I can’t even look at my nipples right now let alone imagine something using them to get their grub four hundred times a day, so don’t booby judge me!

“Let them cry it out!”

I tried this once, for 30 minutes, and I ended up crying worse than my baby, and I have never to this day done it again, I just cannot condition my child into knowing that if they cry it is useless because I wont come back until it’s morning. This is my choice, you have your own choices.

“Sleep when baby sleeps!”

Here’s a joke for you – Sleep…you don’t get it? Neither do I!

Six years on and I am still exhausted. Sleep when baby sleeps, say what?! So we better clean when baby cleans, and iron when baby irons, and food shop when baby food shops, and dust when baby dusts, and empty the trash when the baby empties the trash right? Just forget about sleep, at least for the first few years anyway! Sorry to rain on your parade, but it is normal.

Don’t keep picking him up you’ll spoil him!”

I’ll spoil him? With cuddles and love? Good! I want to, a baby never got spoilt by too much love. You cannot have too much love. My baby, my heart, my rules.

“Only give them homemade organic food.”

So, we tried this for a while, and it nearly made us bankrupt this organic stuff, joking, but you get my drift! Those pouches of freshly prepared food are amazing and convenient, and a momma needs convenience. There is hardly time to pee let alone whip up homemade cuisine daily. Don’t pouch judge me!

They should be potty trained by now (aged 2)!”

No way should they! They are all different, and until they are ready no amount of persuasion or anger or determination from you will potty train them, there are no rules, you have to follow their lead. I tried to listen to somebody’s advice once, and my floor was covered in pee on the hour every hour for 48 hours! And did Mrs Advice come help clean it up? Did she heck!

“Is he not walking yet? My child walked at 8 months!”

This backhanded advice really grates me! It’s like we have to have uniform children who reach each milestone at the same rate. No, my child walked at 13 months and my other child was too lazy to walk until they were 20 months, and both are doing just fine. Maybe your 8 month old has had enough of your comparing and needed to learn to walk to get away quicker! Oops, did I type that?

Don’t give your child a pacifier / dummy, it will ruin their teeth and slow down their speech development!”

Well both of mine had one, and they’re just fine, in fact they don’t ever stop talking, and I mean ever! I loved that pacifier like it was a child, it gave me a few minutes of peace when they were upset about teething, or they were tired and I couldn’t hold them both at the same time, or I just simply needed 2 minutes peace to buy a new jumper to replace the maternity one I was still wearing 18 months into being a mum!

Don’t ever let your children have candy!”

Have you seen the power of bribery a lollipop holds? It speaks for itself! Who’s with me?

 

Have you had any unwanted advice that was a load of rubbish? I’d love to hear it!

 

Does Your Child Have Good Self Esteem?

Does your child have good self esteem? I ask myself this question so many times, and have done since my babies were newly born. How do you even tell? Sometimes I don’t think you can tell, and other times it is pretty obvious.

Children are born with various personalities, some is nature and some is nurture. A LOT is nurture. As a care giver we have a huge responsibility to help these little beings and big beings figure out their self worth, and in my opinion it is one of the most important jobs you will ever have. It literally has the power of life or death. No pressure then huh?! It used to worry me endlessly, but now it doesn’t. I do everything in my power to make sure my boys have a healthy self esteem.

Self esteem is not something that happens overnight, it’s years and years of life endeavours, task failures, successes, losses, obstacles, learning, and battles. Self esteem is something you cultivate and nurture over a period of time, and the younger you start the better.

I don’t particularly have a very good self esteem but I’m working on it. Life has not often been kind to my self esteem so it hasn’t grown as well as it should have, which is why I am determined that my children will have a good sense of self worth. And I think they have.

How can you cultivate self worth in children?

Children are so impressionable from such a young age so praise is very important. It shows you care, that they did well and tried their best, and it encourages them to try again next time. I am a firm believer in praise. It goes a long way. I don’t buy into the ‘tough love’ regime, and never will. Love isn’t tough.

If my children fail, I am there telling them to try again, and again, even if its over a few days or weeks or months. Teach them not to quit, but that it’s ok to fail if we pick ourselves up and try again. Tell them that unless you make a mistake you never learn anything. Mistakes are ok, lying in defeat is not. Help them build their stamina.

Don’t do everything for your children, as tempting as it may be. Let them do things by themselves, encourage them to try, and if they cannot manage the task then tell them you will help them because they tried their best first. They will surprise you and themselves! I promise!

Teach them to write their failures in the sand and their successes upon the rocks.

Tell them you love them, often. Never let them wonder. Even if you were raised without those words do not let your children live their life never hearing them. Cuddle them. Tell them things you like about them. Tell them you love being their momma etc. Tell them. Every single day tell them! Leave them a note. Press a heart into their toast. Let them know you think about them.

If your child struggles with self esteem try a Strength Jar. This is simply a jar filled with pieces of paper, and upon these pieces of paper you get your child to write down all the things they are good at and like about themselves, and you can write them too. One you’re finished read through them weekly, and place on a shelf within reach. My boys really loved this activity and still look at them a year on!

Choose your words carefully. I know kids can drive us insane and we all get irate and say things we don’t mean but just make sure you apologise when you need too. Words can hurt but apologies are a great medicine. You are never too old to apologise. It will teach your child a good lesson in forgiveness and empathy too.

No app can replace your lap.

Read with your kids. Knowing you want to spend time with them will do their heart the world of good. Even 5 minutes a day will make the difference. It will widen their imagination too which is a very good thing!

If they ask for a cuddle give them a cuddle. If they ask for a second cuddle give them a second cuddle. If they ask for a third cuddle…get my drift? Life is too short to not give them that third cuddle. Tomorrow is not promised to anybody and I sure as hell do not want to wish I’d have cuddled my child for a third time and are no longer be able to. Hearts are breaking around this world for lost loved ones, so cherish the ones you have whilst you have them.

Teach them that we are all unique. Teach them it’s ok to be different and that it doesn’t make us less. Teach them about the importance of being kind and compassionate. Teach them to sit with the lonely. Teach them to look out for others. Teach them to help. Teach them be assertive. Teach them about mental health and self care. Teach them to be a good human being. Teach them that their best IS good enough.

Teach them that academic ability is NOT the most important thing in life.

Listen to their worries, their concerns. It may be little things, to them they are big things. When you listen to the little concerns, you validate them. This will go a long way in raising your children to never suffer in silence.

Raising children is the most important job you could have ever been given, even when it’s hard, even when it hurts, even when you’re exhausted, even when you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, keep going, keep learning, keep loving.