Bold, Not Bitter.

Throughout my whole church life I was made to believe that all of the people who left our church and ever questioned its motives were bitter. So very, very bitter. We were told to be better not bitter. What does bitter mean?

The church I went to for 17 years definitely left a pungent taste in my mouth, they were not sweet, infact they were rotten. Stinking rotten. There were a lot of unjust moments for a lot of people there, and there still are, unfortunately. The years there were painful and very unpleasant, even more so now I look back and actually know my worth and see how poorly they treat people.

This year I have wrote several pieces, comments and Instagram posts about my time in this hideous place disguised by the name “Jesus”. I am now free from them, their narcissistic leadership and their vile manipulation regarding personal finances and the life you lead, but I am now responsible to help others find their freedom. And for this I know my name is trashed. I’m bitter, I’m demonic, I’m of the devil and I’m an attack from the enemy. But, no, I’m the truth. The cold, hard, shiny truth! Abusers need calling out. And I’m here with my metaphorical megaphone because you do not get be life ruiners and frauds (& racists, homophobes, transphobes, ableists etc) without getting called out for what you really are!

Accountability is severely lacking in this church, as with many other places, purposefully. They cannot be questioned, they will give no answers other than to make it a ‘you’ problem. They will use you, abuse you, cast you to one side and then when you leave because you feel broken you are ‘bitter’.

Once upon a time I felt bitter by definition, but I spat their poison out a long time ago. And then stamped on it. There is nothing of them left in my life. I am free. And the happiest I have ever been. I don’t even hate them, I feel nothing other than a longing for them to be held accountable for everything they have done and are continuing to do to people, hundreds of people.

The awareness is out there now though, and I’m so glad. I’m grateful for the hundreds of messages I’m still receiving with people sharing their stories and their feelings, from people who were in leadership positions to relatives. I think the bandage has been torn off and slowly the poison is coming to the surface. This church is everything the Jesus of the bible tore down! And it’s started crumbling, despite the fancy lights, it is crumbling.

It’s been interesting watching who supports them being held accountable and those who have jumped to their defense despite all they have witnessed and furthermore said. Time is a great revealer though.

It amazes me this church has speakers who promote ‘All Lives Matter’ from the stage too, but racism always seeps through when you’re a racist dosen’t it? Like the stench of narcissistic hearts.

I’m so proud of everyone who has had the courage to speak out, reach out, and even leave! You’ll be called bitter, but you are bold. You are amazing. You are no longer a pawn in their power game. You are free. You are a light to all of the other people this place tried to control but couldn’t. Keep speaking up.