To the Parents Raising Boys

I am Momma Bear to two boys, two very different yet very similar boys. Before I became a parent, I had no idea about raising boys. I am, well I was, a girly girl. I loved all things pink, glittery, and Barbie (sad I know). Then BAM, I was given two boys, and my gosh are they different to anything I have ever experienced in my whole entire life. Gross has been given a whole new definition! I’m also an only child so I have no idea about sibling reationships either, so this has been a big learning curve for me!

Some days I look at my little boys and swoon over them, and other days I am ready to fly kick them through the window (joke)! This mothering gig is hard, and if you say otherwise then we can’t be friends! Just kidding, well kidding a little. I thought I’d share some of the things I have discovered over the last 5 years.

Boys like to wrestle! A lot! Well, mine do, and I am assured by my husband that this is normal, despite my panic. They wrestle when they’re happy and they wrestle when they’re mad. A simple board game always results in wrestling of some form. Puzzles end up in someone being sat on. train track building results in someone in a headlock. watching a DVD ends in someone being thrown onto the sofa, tea time ends in someone being dragged onto the floor, and retrieving the post from the postman always end up in a death grip around one another. They wrestle from sun up, until sun down. And you now what? It’s normal! Don’t beat yourself up thinking you’ve raised wild animals, they’ll grow out of it. (I hope!)

Boys like to play with their ‘winky’! Winky, tiddler, privates, tail, willy, penis, whatever you want to call it, it doesn’t matter, they will play with it, squeeze it, pretend it can talk, grab it (even in public), and sometimes put things around it (A friend of mine caught her boy putting a Hula Hoop (brand of English chips) on his!), dance naked proudly shaking it, and will think nothing of talking about it very loudly. This is still something that shocks me, but I better get used to it!

Boys like to climb! My boys climb on everything, it doesn’t matter if it’s two centimetres or two metres. They climb on walls, fences, fallen tees, standing trees, benches, tables, chairs, ledges, rocks, curbs, the sofa, stools, tv units, and generally anything that you’re not supposed to climb on. They also enjoy climbing on people. This climbing gives me heart palpitations, especially with y 3yo who does not see any danger. I am not sure they ever grow out of this need to climb either?!

Boys find trumping hilarious! Trumps, farts, botty burps, wind, whatever you call it, it all stinks the same! What is it about wind that boys find s funny? I will never understand this one. The louder, the funnier, apparently!

Boys get their pee everywhere! Pee in pants, pee on the bathroom floor, pee on their hands, pee on the toilet seat, pee on one another, pee everywhere, even in the bath. Little boys have a very hit and miss aim!

Boys eat bogeys! (and enjoy them!) This is self-explanatory. Vom!

Boys are hoarders! My boys pick up anything they find and assume it’s treasure! Old raisins, pennies, elastic bands, beads, hairpins, ear buds, anything. They are sneaky about it too, my 5yo especially. They shove it  in pockets, or hide it in their toys. They are like little pirates hiding their treasure!

Boys can wreck a room in under 60 seconds! I never remember this either until it is too late. I have no idea how a room can be trashed in such a short space of time. It is a record in itself! Rest assured if you have boys you will know this already! Sixty seconds to trash it, 3 hours and drive-mummy-insane-moaning to tidy it up!