Since becoming a mum my punctuality is mostly appalling. As my children get older my punctuality gets worse, well I say ‘my’ but I’m never the reason we are late, my two rascals are.
Sometimes there are genuine reasons for our lateness; kids with a fever, nappy changes, sleeping through the alarm, power cuts etc. But most of the time there are not so genuine reasons that make me late. I refer to these as not so genuine but in actual fact they are genuine, they’re just not deemed acceptable by people without children.
I have hundreds of examples of why we run late, but I’ve hand picked the reoccurring ones for this post;
One child needs an emergency poop
One child doesn’t quite make it to the toilet
One child has a meltdown because his brother has eaten cheesy crisps “He stinks! I’m not getting in tthe car with him. I want him to stay home!”
One child refuses point blank to brush his teeth and face plants the floor, causing an emotional break down.
One child grabs the post from the doormat. The other child wanted to first. A fist fight occurs.
One child wants a custard cream. We don’t have any custard creams. He will not believe me.
One child throws cheerios at the other. Both boys fight. Two changes of clothes needed.
One child won’t get in the car. It’s too hot. Full blown tantrum. He is karate chopped into his seat.
One child refused to have a bath. I bathed him anyway. My bathroom floor is ruined.
One child wanted a banana. The other child stole his banana and stamped on it. Tantrum prevails plus cleanup mission.
One child eats my eye shadow.
One child insists I remove a wedged bogey.
One child refuses to wear his tiger t-shirt because “It’s scary!”. It was the only thing clean.
One child wants to watch the end of The Lorax before we leave. The other child switches the TV off anyway. Cue fight.
One child randomly kicks me. He will not sit out. Forty minute battle of wills commences.
Momma has to get changed after she finds an unidentifiable squishy bogey type mess on her shoulder.
Momma had to search the whole house for her phone. It was in her pocket.
One child needed to set out all 458 toy soldiers in a straight line ready for his return. The other child thought it was a game of domino’s.
One child needed to find that Kinder Egg toy he had 3 years ago, and hasn’t been seen since!
The drinking cups have travelled to the Bermuda Triangle.
Daddy took a three week vacation in the bathroom.
My list could go on, it’s endless!
So next time I’m late meet me with chocolate and an expresso, chances are I’ll be needing both!