It’s possible to go weeks, months, even years without the black clouds heading your way, yet regardless of the length of their departure you always know when they’re on the way back.
It’s pretty impossible to describe the feeling to someone who hasn’t experienced them. It’s like your emotions go into lock down and a new emotional system kicks in.
You feel nothing. You feel everything. You want to sleep forever. You can’t sleep. Your appetite is non-existent. You eat your feelings. A little ball of rage consumes you, with unknown triggers. You feel out of control. Irritable. Your own breathing makes you annoyed. Your partner annoys you, for no reason. You have no patience with your children. You feel worthless. You listen to your own words and wonder why you cannot prevent them. You feel numb. Locked away. Silently drowning. Too scared to speak out.
Every cloud filled day leaves you questioning your existence. You beg the clouds to move. They never listen.
You see yourself lashing out at your loved ones as if your watching from afar.
You’ve just got to plod on. Keep going through the black cloud towards the sunshine. Bask in the sunshine, nobody knows how long it’s here for.
Speak out. Do not struggle in silence. Ever. You are not crazy, you have a chemical flaw NOT a flaw in character!