I actually began writing this post last week and then broke away from it. Circumstances that week made me slip into a dangerous self-loathing zone, and I felt like a fraud writing an upbeat blog telling people they are good enough as the are, when infact I actually felt ready to give up. I felt beyond inadequate. I felt worthless. I eventually crawled out of the rut, and ignored my heart for a few hours until it finally came into line with my head. All is now good, until next time, I am, after all, human. Here goes…
At one time or another we all feel below par and not good enough, that’s part of life, but what if the feeling lingers and seeps through into every area of your life? That’s what happened to me, and sometimes still does.
Motherhood makes you very vulnerable in regards to your emotional health, and you have to adjust to a crazy amount of changes.
Pre-motherhood I wasn’t exactly on a platform of emotional stability anyway, not that everyone could tell though, I’m pretty good at faking confidence and a carefree attitude, as you have already read a little about in one of my previous blogs The Silent Struggle.
Before I became a momma I spent the majority of days feeling inadequate, and I felt a constant need for gratification. I was a closet people pleaser, I guess I still am to a certain extent. I cannot stand to think that someone doesn’t like me, no matter how bad they treat me, I take it very personal.
Then I became a momma and I called a halt to various situations and people which were having such a negative impact on my life. Writing this now is easy, implementing it a few years ago was heartbreaking yet also necessary. It’s hard when the people who should innately love you beyond comprehension don’t. It leaves you feeling inadequate, and constantly worrying why they couldn’t. Self loathing permeates your very being, and a poor self image reins.
Even removing yourself from situations that are damaging emotionally does not eradicate the pain caused and it certainly does not change your inner thought processes, not over night anyway. Changing your mindset from inadequate to enough is a long, hard journey, but a very possible one!
Once you’re a momma a new ‘Am I enough?’ journey begins. And I’m not sure it actually ever ends, it just changes. There are so many stop offs on this journey. Here are three popular places I’ve stopped off at so far:
Pinterest Park – I love Pinterest, and have spent numerous hours pinning ideas for crafts, parties, outfits, my garden, and general humorous and inspirational quotes. Pinterest is a great tool, however it is also a great discourager. My house never looks shabby chic like the pins do, my cakes don’t look like the pins do, I don’t make my own household cleaners with vinegar and lemon juice like the pins do, my puppets didn’t work because I can’t thread a needle, my body is way beyond the five steps to a bikini body pin, I don’t know how to make furniture from pallets, my house isn’t always photograph ready like the pins, and so on. Pinterest makes me sometimes feel like a not good enough momma, it shows me everything I cannot do. I long to be the perfect momma; chirpy, homemade muffins for breakfast, several craft activities planned, spotless house, no laundry left to do, perfect garden, and flawless hair and makeup. This ideal doesn’t actually exist – life is not a Pinterest board. Give yourself a break – you’re good enough just as you are!
Opinionville – I stop here quite often, although not nearly as often as I used to. Anybody who knows me will know I am quite confident with telling people what I think, however, I usually make sure I have experience in the subject at hand first. One thing that really grates on me is uneducated over-opinionated people who put their mouth in gear way before their brain. These kind of people let you know the correct way you should be disciplining your child, how many hours sleep they need, what they shouldn’t be eating, what clothes they should be dressed in, how children should not be messy etc etc. They basically tell you that everything you’ve decided to do for your children is wrong and unless you bring up your children using their suggestions then you will raise a criminal. Let me tell you now, you do what you gotta do, momma knows best. You are good enough just as you are.
Showroom Lagoon – I visit here for a few seconds most days, but rarely do I set up camp and stay. Showroom Lagoon tells me my house should be spotless with everything in its place. Showroom Lagoon shows me dazzling fireplaces, clean windows, like-new beige carpets, freshly baked cupcakes in the kitchen, a sparkling oven, and a dust-free zone. My reality is the opposite; windows I planned to clean two months ago still remain neglected, dust is settled on most things above one metre high, toys on the floor, toys under the sofa, toys on the window sill, fingerprints on the mirror, jam on my tv screen, chalk on my wall, cushions scattered around the room, and general disarray. But hang on a minute…I’m not auditioning for the best kept house, I’m bringing up my children. My babies won’t remember if momma dusted the fireplace, they’ll remember when momma helped them build a volcanoe and the cavemen got attacked by the dinosaurs. You won’t have time to live up to Showroom Lagoons expectations and memory make too, but that’s ok, you’re not a failure, you’re good enough just as you are. Choose the memory making every time! Before you breathe your last breath you won’t be worrying if your cushions are neatly on the sofa!
Don’t let anything dictate your worth. You are more than enough. Despite the tired eyes, the unwashed hair, the spotted-by-yoghurt thighs, cheerios stuck to the sofa, and half-emptied dishwasher, you are enough and doing just fine! Keep going momma!