Real Bedtime Stories

Real Bedtime Stories for Children

My children love reading books; pop-up books, lift up flap books, fairy tales, magazines, picture books, cook books, and encyclopedia type books.

My two boys also love bedtime stories, apparently.

Books keep them quiet and calm, and also help them to focus their attention, unless they’re bedtime stories, and then they often have the opposite effect. Well, they do in this house.

Bedtime stories in our house are, more often than not, interrupted constantly with wrestling, crying, burping, pooping, throwing, screaming, and little rascals getting in and out of their beds! Sorry if you envisioned our bedtime stories to be quiet, relaxing, and magical.

I am about to give you an insight into a bedtime story at my house, read by momma.

One of my boys most favourite books is the well known story The Three Little Pigs. If you haven’t read this book then you are really missing out so go and buy it! Your kids will love it.

Here is the story from beginning to end according to bedtime in our house with two loveable little rogues I call my children. The extra words that aren’t in the book will be made bold for ease of reading! These extra words are from momma, but courtesy of my little darlings!

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who went off to build their own houses. Please stop licking your brother, he does not like it!

The first little pig built his house out of straw, do not wipe your nose on my arm! which was not very strong. Let me get a tissue!

One day, the big bad wolf came and said, get your hands out of your nappy! “Little pig, little pig, let me sit still and listen please come in.”

“Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin,” said the first do not get out of bed! little pig.

Get back into bed or we will not finish the story! “Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down.”

And he did. Don’t pull your brother’s hair! And the little pig ran away as fast as he could!

The second little pig built his house out of sticks, which were not very strong. Let go of him!

One day, the big bad wolf came and said, “Little pig, little pig, let me come in.”

“Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin,” said the keep your hands to yourself please boys! second little pig.

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down.”

And he did. Put the pillow back on the bed!  And the little pig ran away as fast as he could!

The third little pig built his house out of bricks, which were very strong. The first, and second little pig ran all the way to the house of bricks and hid inside with their brother.

One day, the big bad wolf came and said, don’t call your brother stupid, it’s not kind! “Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in.”

“Not by the hairs of our chinny chin chins,” said the all the little pigs.

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down.” You are not the wolf, do not blow on your brother!

But no matter how I said do not blow on your brother you are making him cry! much the wolf huffed and puffed, the house did not blow down. Get up, you did not get blown down, get back into bed!

So the big bad wolf said, no he did not say roarrr! “I’ll come down the chimney and eat you all up.” It’s ok it’s just a story, the wolf won’t come down our chimney, he is not real, you’re not a pig, and we don’t have a chimney!

But when the wolf came down the chimney,  do not tell your brother the wolf will eat him, you’ve made him cry he fell into a pot of hot soup, No I don’t know what flavour it was and he got up and ran away as fast as he could and they never saw him again!

And the no! It was not bottom flavour! three little pigs lived happily ever after excuse me, what do you need to say after you burp please? in the house of bricks.

The end.

So there you have it, my uncensored version of The Three Little Pigs! What are your kids favourites?

7 replies
  1. Lisa (mummascribbles)
    Lisa (mummascribbles) says:

    This is brilliant! Our bedtime stories are very similar and while I was reading this out loud, Zach was singing baa baa black sheep loudly over me which says a lot!! Very funny post, even the other half was laughing out loud!!!

    Reply
  2. Rebekah {McMama Says}
    Rebekah {McMama Says} says:

    Oh my word, this had me rolling with laughter! It sounds so much like reading with my two boys! They absolutely love books but an outsider probably wouldn’t think so from all the added dialogue that goes on.

    Thanks for the great laugh. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Jenny
    Jenny says:

    This is hilarious and so TRUE. My toddlers love reading time but so many of these same happenings happen with us each night before bed. I love this. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

    Reply

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