The Modern Face Of Marriage…
Tying the knot is, for most people, a chance to confirm their love and commitment to their partner in front of their family and friends. A chance to celebrate their memories and look to the future. It’s long been a tradition and for some it’s the traditional vows and commitment that make it so appealing. In today’s age, however, there isn’t just one face of marriage. From the ceremony to the commitment, marriage means something different to everyone.
Religious or civil, big or small the type of service you choose can be a reflection of you as a couple. And for some, marriage isn’t even on the agenda. Cohabiting couples and single dwellers are more than common in 2017 with a distinctive lack of pressure to get married compared with previous generations. Multiple marriages are no longer a taboo either, with many people choosing to re-marry if it didn’t quite work out the first time around.
Slater and Gordon, a family law firm in London, recently carried out a survey to find out what the modern face of marriage really is. Here are the results;
69% of people believe the biggest benefit to marriage is the commitment to a relationship…
…whilst 42% see increased financial security as the main benefit.
53% of those surveyed believe they would (or did) choose a civil ceremony as opposed to a religious one.
Out of all those surveyed, 54% of people have experienced a close family member getting divorced.
23% of people have been divorced themselves.
69% of people believe there is less pressure to get married compared to 10 years ago.
I was 21 when I married my husband, he was 20. I’m now more in love with him than I have ever been, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. But marriage is hard work, even more so once yo become parents, so I make a conscious effort to be a good wife.
When you fall in love you forget the world around you. Your every waking thought is consumed with this exciting, butterflies-in-tummy, love. Your world is a bright place, with kites and bunnies, sunshine and lollipops. You feel madly in love! The reality though is that this is not love, not real love anyway. Real love is not always pretty.
Some days my husband comes home to Mary Poppins; the kids have behaved, the house is clean, the kids are fed and bathed and already in their pyjamas, I have clean hair, my makeup is still intact, dinner is in the slow cooker, and there’s a smile on my face. Other days my husband walks into the lair of Cruella De’ville; the kids have misbehaved since morning, they don’t know how to share, they fight, they cry, they refuse food, they shout, every task has been a battle, there’s been wee on the floor, food on the floor, four million poops, sand all over my kitchen floor, chalk on the walls, paint in their mouths, things have been thrown, things have been smashed, inedible items have entered the digestive system, mommas had no time for breakfast or lunch, everything’s gone wrong, mummy wants to cry, mummy’s mentally packing her suitcase, mummy feels not up to the job, mummy didn’t have time to shower, mummy’s got greasy hair, and there is no food in for dinner. Whatever the mood, my husband gets the brunt of it both good and bad!
Some days I am madly in love, and can’t wait to see my husband, other days I feel so exhausted and just want to go to bed at 7pm to recharge, but this will not help my marriage.
Relationships are hard work. They require maintenance, and without it they end up being scrapped. They die, yet all they needed was a drop of water, something to revive it. I make a point of telling my husband several times a day I love him, I write him little notes to leave in his lunch bag, I send him silly pins on Pinterest. He deserves my best, not just my derailed self first thing in the morning with huge hair and mascara stained eyes, or end of the day stressed-out me. I want him to see me at my greatest even though he loves me regardless.
Being a mummy subconsciously robs you of some of your identity as a wife – not in a negative way, your children become your priority, and makeup etc seem less significant because time is precious and totally used up. This is why you have to consciously make an effort; wear makeup, wash your hair, look good, feel good – YOU still matter!
I’m a nightmare for going to sleep at 6:30 with our boys. Some days are hard, and tiring, and all I want to do is sleep (& sometimes I do), but I force myself to get up and spend some time with my husband, and our relationship gets invested in, and ultimately grows stronger.
When weeks are busy I get so grotty and unbearable, I snap at my husband, even his breathing irritates me, yet I always discover it’s because we’ve not spent any time together for a few days – I’m a weird one! The quote “Leave me alone, I’m lonely” describes me to a tee. Once we spend time together I feel so much better, united, revived, and loved. Even five minutes together makes all the difference.
This is our modern marriage.
Relationships don’t come with a lifetime guarantee, you have to keep renewing it. But I vow to forever.